Moving Forward
by MiladyGirl
Summary: Dating a fellow profiler can be tough when you're not quite ready to trust... but it can also help you learn to do that again. Blake takes JJ ice skating for date night. Oneshot.


**A/N**

Look, I wrote something! :) Finally!

Okay, so, I usually have Blake being the one in need of emotional or physical support, because, um, I really don't know why, that's just how I roll I guess. In this oneshot however, she gets to be the strong and gentle one, and JJ gets to be vulnerable for once.

I am rusty, having not being able to write much at all for the longest time, and I don't do ice skating. Ever. I would never do it either, so I'm not going into any details of how it's done because I have no idea. LOL I just got the idea in my head and had to write it.

Enjoy!

* * *

They were almost at the ice rink when Alex finally addressed the awkwardness that surfaced after she revealed their destination.

"Well," Alex said, "it _was_ my turn to pick something to do for this date."

"Yeah, but I thought we'd go to the movies or something," JJ said.

"That's what I thought last time when you took me kickboxing."

"Payback time then, huh?"

Alex nodded.

"Exactly."

"Just so you know, I haven't done any ice-skating since I was twelve, and that time I broke my wrist," JJ said. Alex nodded again, showing no sign of relenting.

"Duly noted."

"I don't want to break anything today."

"Who does?"

"I'm not getting out of this without setting foot on that ice, do I?"

"No." Alex sent her a glance and smiled. "Relax, JJ. Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty stable thing to hold on to when I'm not being furiously kicked at."

JJ smirked.

"Sorry about that. I guess I got a bit overenthusiastic."

"That… is an interesting way of putting it."

"You need to work on protecting your flank," JJ said, making a quick move to pinch Alex in the side.

"Protecting my _spleen_ , is more like it!" Alex chuckled, slapping JJ's hand away. Then she grew serious. "It tells me a lot about you, though, you know."

"What?"

"That you'd pick a relatively aggressive sport for a date night. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to combine dating with exercise…"

JJ stifled a giggle.

"Oh I heard that, your dirty mind is showing!" Alex snorted. "But you know what I mean. It's hard to find time for exercise and it's hard to find time for dating."

"Yeah, I do know what you mean," JJ said, looking out the window. She hoped to find a way to derail Alex's thoughts and dodge the subject, but she could tell the older woman wasn't going to be manipulated that easily.

"… and I do see the point in doing contact sports for date night – it can be quite intimate – but that wasn't why you picked it."

JJ was silent. Alex watched her from the side, biting her lip and wondering if she was crossing the line. But if this was going to get anywhere in the long run, it had to be brought up at some point, and the longer the wait, the more difficult the discussion.

"You picked it because you are subconsciously trying to keep me at a distance."

JJ wasn't replying, but Alex knew she was listening and processing intently, so she went on.

"It felt like you were attacking me for real. Not as if you were consciously trying to hurt me, that's not what I'm saying. More like you had to defend your borders with more power than necessary. Attack being the best, the _safest_ , defence policy."

She was quiet, allowing JJ a chance to comment, but the blonde stayed silent, almost frozen rigid in her seat.

"Why is that, JJ? Why is it dangerous to let anyone near?"

Her voice was soft as could be, but JJ blinked back tears stinging in her eyes.

"It's nothing personal," she said.

"I know that. But it is a fence that will be added on until it's a wall, and by the time it has gotten that strong, I won't be able to reach you anymore. I'm fine with boundaries, I think it's dangerous for couples to bleed into one another, but those boundaries must be clarified before they can be respected. I want to be in your life, JJ, I really do, and I accept that there are things that are private, but I don't accept mystery. If you want me to walk on eggshells, you have to tell me _where_ those eggshells are and _why_ they're there first, and then I'll consider it."

She had deliberately spoken in a soft, slow voice to avoid sounding like she was making a speech, but she realised that was precisely what she was doing. So did JJ.

"All this because I got an adrenaline rush and hit a little too hard, huh?" JJ tried to joke, but it fell flat.

"No. All this because I saw in your eyes that you would rather push me away by excessive force than lean into me when you feel threatened, and that's not a relationship I want. This isn't something that started with Will, is it?"

"I _knew_ I never should have started dating a profiler," JJ grumbled. Alex didn't grab that bait either, she merely stayed quiet and waited until JJ groaned and threw her head back.

"No, it didn't start with Will. And I don't want to push you away. It's just… sometimes I'm scared when I lo-, when I feel a lot for someone."

She swallowed and looked down at her hands. She just wasn't ready to say the word 'love' in relation to this, not yet. It was too raw, too new. Too powerful. If that was one of those proverbial eggshells, then Alex Blake would simply have to step on it.

Alex Blake, being somewhat emotionally raw herself, evaded it elegantly. The picture was starting to make sense to her now.

"Who did you lose? Was it a family member?"

"My sister."

"How old were you?"

"I was eleven. She was seventeen." JJ cleared her throat and shifted in her seat. "I don't want to talk more about that right now, okay?"

"Okay."

 _Suicide. Definitely suicide. No wonder JJ doesn't want to put her faith in anyone other than herself. If her own sister could leave her like that, anybody could._

Alex put a tentative hand on JJ's. For a moment she thought the younger woman would withdraw, but JJ allowed her to offer a gentle squeeze.

 _I'm not going anywhere, JJ,_ Alex thought. _You don't need to be strong alone anymore._

Almost as if she was picking up on that thought, JJ looked up and flashed a brief smile at her, then made an active attempt at shaking the subject.

"Just imagine how much fun I'll have later, profiling your choice in _ice skating_ ," she said.

"No profiling needed. I just happen to have a thing for ice and knives," Alex deadpanned, and when JJ began to laugh heartily, she felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Everything was going to be alright.

* * *

When JJ eventually had gotten her skates on, Alex was already on the rink, skating pirouettes with an ease that almost seemed eerie. To JJ, she had always seemed very down-to-earth, very grounded, not at all etherical, yet that was exactly how she seemed right now. Etherical. Moving smoothly on the polished ice, while tiny, glittering snowflakes singled down from the dark sky and landed in her hair. JJ would have been completely content just sitting there on a bench and watching her, but that was not the way Alex had planned it. She came to a full stop right in front of JJ, and her skates tore up a cloud of ice from the ground. JJ knew that if _she_ had tried to do a stop like that, she would have fallen flat on her face.

Alex smiled.

"You all set?"

JJ tried to stand, and immediately had to hold onto the rail for support. Oh God, she felt like Bambi.

"I'm not very good at this," she said. Alex shrugged a little.

"You'll learn."

The skates began to wobble under her feet again and JJ felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as her grip on the rail tightened. She was definitely not used to not being in control of her own body. She'd always had great body coordination; but right now, all that was out the window and it was disconcerting.

"Or, I could just sit here for a while and watch you skate," she said.

"Not a chance," Alex said with emphasis, holding out her hand. "The whole point of a date is being together, isn't it?"

"Together in the ambulance maybe, after I fall and break something crucial."

"I won't let you fall."

JJ rolled her eyes but couldn't help laughing a bit. The scene reminded her of something she must have seen in a dozen cheesy romcoms over the years.

"Seriously, Alex. Could you be _any_ cheesier?" she wondered.

"You don't wanna know. Let go of that rail. I've got you."

JJ held her breath and removed her gloved hands from the rail. She wobbled a little, but before she could lose her balance altogether, Alex's hands grabbed hers.

"Easy, easy, easy," the brunette mumbled. "The more you struggle, the harder it gets. Let the balance find _you_."

JJ stopped fighting against her own body and its conviction that she could no longer trust her own feet. Little by little her body seemed to figure it out, realising that it had to adapt to a different way of keeping steady. She wasn't sure she'd be able to move forward (or backward, for that matter) without falling, but as long as she didn't move at all, she thought she might be alright.

"Breathe," Alex said, and there was amusement mixed into her voice now. "I promise I won't let you fall, but you need to do the breathing yourself."

"If I move now, I'll fall and drag both of us down," JJ said.

"No you won't," Alex said and moved half-way around the younger woman so she got behind her, putting her hands on JJ's hips to steady her. "JJ, I've been skating since I was six. I was on the girls' hockey team throughout high school. I can keep balance for the two of us if necessary. Don't worry."

JJ might still have argued, but feeling Alex's hands on her calmed all her doubts. It felt like a touch you could trust completely, a dependable assurance that she would not fall, and she could not cause Alex to fall, either.

She let out a shaky breath and looked up towards the overcast sky.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." She slowly turned her head, afraid that if she moved too quickly she would lose that balance either way, and met Alex's warm dark eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. Let's start moving forward then, shall we?"

JJ nodded, permitting herself to put her trust in Alex's strong hands.

Moving forward seemed like a great idea.


End file.
